Monday, September 29, 2003
The Iraquagmire Affair
As John Judis explains, the Bush Administration has been skunked by the Iraquagmire Affair. For the young people who may be reading this, "skunked" is an old expression meaning "defeated by a score of 100 to 0."
As John Judis explains, the Bush Administration has been skunked by the Iraquagmire Affair. For the young people who may be reading this, "skunked" is an old expression meaning "defeated by a score of 100 to 0."
Bush Bushed
When Bob Novak says that Dubya is in trouble, you know that the Shrub is in deep dukakis.
When Bob Novak says that Dubya is in trouble, you know that the Shrub is in deep dukakis.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Incontinetti
When you look at the caricature accompanying his piece for the Weekly Standard, you suddenly realize that Matthew Continetti was born, but it wasn't his fault.
His piece begins with the Fallacy of Complex Question: "When will Wesley Clark stop telling tall tales?" I suppose it could have been worse. He could have asked, "When will Wesley Clark stop beating his wife?"
And then the piece starts rolling downhill, despite the dung beetle's best efforts. Writes Matt: "In the current issue of Newsweek, Howard Fineman reports Clark told Colorado Gov. Bill Owens and University of Denver president Mark Holtzman that "I would have been a Republican if Karl Rove had returned my phone calls."
In baseball, this would be called a sextuple play: Clark to Owens-Holtzman to Fineman to Newsweek to Continetti to the readers of the Weekly Standard. In a court of law, it would be ruled out of order as the rankest hearsay.
But at the Weekly Standard, it's called "journalism."
When you look at the caricature accompanying his piece for the Weekly Standard, you suddenly realize that Matthew Continetti was born, but it wasn't his fault.
His piece begins with the Fallacy of Complex Question: "When will Wesley Clark stop telling tall tales?" I suppose it could have been worse. He could have asked, "When will Wesley Clark stop beating his wife?"
And then the piece starts rolling downhill, despite the dung beetle's best efforts. Writes Matt: "In the current issue of Newsweek, Howard Fineman reports Clark told Colorado Gov. Bill Owens and University of Denver president Mark Holtzman that "I would have been a Republican if Karl Rove had returned my phone calls."
In baseball, this would be called a sextuple play: Clark to Owens-Holtzman to Fineman to Newsweek to Continetti to the readers of the Weekly Standard. In a court of law, it would be ruled out of order as the rankest hearsay.
But at the Weekly Standard, it's called "journalism."
Monday, September 22, 2003
Saddam Beats the Bushies
Last March, Saddam Hussein knew his days as Iraq's Maximum Leader were numbered and that his cunning plan for beating the Bushies was about to be implemented.
Saddam's plan, since 2001, was to create the illusion that Iraq had huge stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction. Saddam was confident that this bait would eventually lure President George W. Bush into launching an all-out attack on Iraq. Even if he didn't survive the attack, Saddam was also confident that the Bushies would be discredited and defeated when no WMDs were discovered and the American occupation failed.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Presidential Candidates for Sale--but Not Cheap
"Between now and Sept. 30, all the candidates will be pushing to raise as much money as possible to increase their totals for the third quarter. July and August are traditionally slow fundraising months, but the last weeks of September are normally some of the best weeks of the year." Thus sayeth Dan Balz.
It's true: presidential candidates in the United States today sell themselves like Dallas whores on Harry Hines Boulevard. Except they're much more expensive.
"Between now and Sept. 30, all the candidates will be pushing to raise as much money as possible to increase their totals for the third quarter. July and August are traditionally slow fundraising months, but the last weeks of September are normally some of the best weeks of the year." Thus sayeth Dan Balz.
It's true: presidential candidates in the United States today sell themselves like Dallas whores on Harry Hines Boulevard. Except they're much more expensive.
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Jamesucks Lileksucks
It's 9/11 again and James Lileks writes: "This day just sucks and it’s always going to suck. Terrorism sucks. War sucks. Death sucks. Murder sucks even harder."
Mr. Lileks doesn't like September 11, terrorism, war, death, and murder. He expresses his dislike for all these things by saying they all "suck." Other than being a cliche, what does this word mean? And how did it come to pass that this word has become one of the worst things you can hurl against terrorism, war, murder, and death?
Suck means "to draw liquid into the mouth by creating a partial vacuum." The reason why this word has come to have a negative connotation is because of its linkage to oral sex.
So if you're James Lileks, the most lethal word you can throw at terrorists, murder, and death is a word that refers to "phallic hoovering," an act that appears to be not at all unpopular these days.
It's 9/11 again and James Lileks writes: "This day just sucks and it’s always going to suck. Terrorism sucks. War sucks. Death sucks. Murder sucks even harder."
Mr. Lileks doesn't like September 11, terrorism, war, death, and murder. He expresses his dislike for all these things by saying they all "suck." Other than being a cliche, what does this word mean? And how did it come to pass that this word has become one of the worst things you can hurl against terrorism, war, murder, and death?
Suck means "to draw liquid into the mouth by creating a partial vacuum." The reason why this word has come to have a negative connotation is because of its linkage to oral sex.
So if you're James Lileks, the most lethal word you can throw at terrorists, murder, and death is a word that refers to "phallic hoovering," an act that appears to be not at all unpopular these days.
How to Lose Your Writer's License
How does a horsefaced, bleachblonde, ectomorphic, anorexic, fortysomething, oldmaid Republican write? Here's how: "VERMONT Gov. Howard Dean has been issuing diatribes against the Bush administration that would surpass even Tariq Aziz with severe menstrual cramps."
How does a horsefaced, bleachblonde, ectomorphic, anorexic, fortysomething, oldmaid Republican write? Here's how: "VERMONT Gov. Howard Dean has been issuing diatribes against the Bush administration that would surpass even Tariq Aziz with severe menstrual cramps."
Thursday, September 11, 2003
All in a Republican Family's Values
Scott McClellan, George W. Bush's new press secretary, is estranged from his father, Barr McClellan. Barr has just published a book that claims LBJ had JFK assassinated. Scott's mother was once Carol Keeton Rylander; she's now Carol Keeton Strayhorn, the current Texas comptroller and Republican rival to Governor Rick Perry and Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst. Scott's brother is Mark McClellan, an FDA commissioner.
Role models all, this is one happy Republican family.
The Mighty Wurlitzer
An old CIA term for propaganda machine is "Mighty Wurlitzer." Paul Krugman, Princeton University economics professor and columnist for the New York Times, uncovers the right-wing media organ and then crushes its nuts.
An old CIA term for propaganda machine is "Mighty Wurlitzer." Paul Krugman, Princeton University economics professor and columnist for the New York Times, uncovers the right-wing media organ and then crushes its nuts.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
David Brooks Starts Off on Three Wrong Feet
David Brooks, in his inaugural column for the New York Times, starts off by writing: "The Bush administration has the most infuriating way of changing its mind." There are three things wrong with his opening sentence. First, the Bush administration doesn't have a mind; it only has fixed ideas. Second, the only thing the Bush administration has changed is its lies. Third, David Brooks wouldn't know what it means to be infuriated because he's never changed HIS mind.
David Brooks, in his inaugural column for the New York Times, starts off by writing: "The Bush administration has the most infuriating way of changing its mind." There are three things wrong with his opening sentence. First, the Bush administration doesn't have a mind; it only has fixed ideas. Second, the only thing the Bush administration has changed is its lies. Third, David Brooks wouldn't know what it means to be infuriated because he's never changed HIS mind.
Monday, September 08, 2003
Rightwing Fratricide
What this story shows is: when there's a disagreement on the right, power always trumps ideology. In the case instant, Larry Klayman's--and Judicial Watch's--rightwing ideology was defeated by Dick Cheney's (and Halliburton's) rightwing power. Put differently: when the right has might, might makes right.
What this story shows is: when there's a disagreement on the right, power always trumps ideology. In the case instant, Larry Klayman's--and Judicial Watch's--rightwing ideology was defeated by Dick Cheney's (and Halliburton's) rightwing power. Put differently: when the right has might, might makes right.
Sunday, September 07, 2003
Ed Gillespie, chairman of the Republican National Committee, said today: "The words we're hearing from the Democratic candidates is so beyond political debate. This is political hate speech."
There's a rule that says: "Three strikes and you will be spat out of the universe like a watermelon seed."
Strike One: he's a lawyer (at Quinn Gillespie & Associates). Strike Two: he's a lobbyist (Enron was one of his clients). Strike Three: he's a 21st-century Republican.
(Twenty-first century Republicans have these identifying marks: first, there's an inverse relationship between what they say and what is true; second, they commit the Hypocrite's Fallacy on principle; and, third, power is their summum bonum.)
In other words, Ed Gillespie is a lying, hypocritical powermonger.
Ptooie! You're outta here, Ed!
There's a rule that says: "Three strikes and you will be spat out of the universe like a watermelon seed."
Strike One: he's a lawyer (at Quinn Gillespie & Associates). Strike Two: he's a lobbyist (Enron was one of his clients). Strike Three: he's a 21st-century Republican.
(Twenty-first century Republicans have these identifying marks: first, there's an inverse relationship between what they say and what is true; second, they commit the Hypocrite's Fallacy on principle; and, third, power is their summum bonum.)
In other words, Ed Gillespie is a lying, hypocritical powermonger.
Ptooie! You're outta here, Ed!
Friday, September 05, 2003
Michael Kinsley is feeling his moral Cheerios these days: "But if it did happen, exactly as Arnold described it in 1977, it's pretty disgusting. It's disgusting even if it was consensual all around. It's disgusting even though Arnold wasn't married at the time. It's disgusting even if this amounts to applying the standards of the 21st century to events of the mid-1970s." Michael is referring to Arnold Schwarzenegger's participation in a gang bang in a Gold's Gym 26 years ago. No matter that it was consensual: it was disgusting. No matter that Arnold wasn't married at the time: it was disgusting. No matter that it happened in the 1970s: it was disgusting.
Michael Kinsley's disgust is a manifestation of his belief that he is a better human being than Arnold Schwarzenegger. Michael's belief that he is better than Arnold is based on his presupposition that moral superiority makes you immortal, either physically, spiritually, or both.
Michael Kinsley's disgust is a manifestation of his belief that he is a better human being than Arnold Schwarzenegger. Michael's belief that he is better than Arnold is based on his presupposition that moral superiority makes you immortal, either physically, spiritually, or both.
Thursday, September 04, 2003
James Lileks is Narcissus with a vengeance. Not only does he see his reflection in everything he experiences, but he believes the whole world should see his reflection as well.
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
Michael Moore has provided a raison d'etre for Lee, Jim, and Rachel, three members of a new species--capitalist panhandlers. This species survives by combining salesmanship ("The Store") and beggary ("The Plea"). What they sell, they call "crap." Here's how they beg: "We're looking for a few good men and women to help keep the site going. If you feel we provide a useful site, even if you just come here to disagree, please consider donating a few dollars to help keep the server going. Thank you."
