Blogomachy

Premature Iraqulation

At the time of President Bush's celebrated landing aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln on May 1, 2003, it was widely remarked that the careful staging of this event was designed with TV ads for President Bush's re-election in 2004 in mind.

But it won't be the Republicans who will be using the video of Woody strutting around in his flight suit and speaking in front of the "Mission Accomplished" banner next year. It'll be the Democrats.

What a Bunch of Scurvy Slackers!

The most remarkable fact reported in the latest USA Today/CNN/Gallup Poll is that 88% of Republicans support George Bush's policy in Iraq.

Only 88%? Hell, when Jonestown went down in 1978, Reverend Jim had the support of over 99% of his people.

The Bushman Knoweth Not What Cometh or Goeth

"The more progress we make on the ground, the more free the Iraqis become, the more electricity that's available, the more jobs are available, the more kids that are going to school, the more desperate these killers become," quoth he.

I wonder what progress we are making in the air and in the water. I hope its more than we are making on the ground. And less than we are making in the ground.

If the Iraqis become any freer, they just might all float away like balloons in a stiff breeze.

As for electricity, how do you stick the plug for your hair dryer into a socket in a wall that's just been blown to smithereens?

No doubt there are jobs galore in Iraq today, especially for rubble sweepers.

If you could choose, would you rather be a kid going to school in Iraq today, or would you rather be an old man with a bad heart living in Texas?

What do you suppose the Bushman will do when the killers become even more desperate than they are today?

You Broke It, You Bought It

Iraq is FUBAR, and BushCo may as well as be a panhandler in Bumfuck, Eqypt, if it thinks the rest of the world is going to pick up the tab for Woody's latest "faith-based initiative."

Sack This Sad Sack

Ignoring right-wing knee-jerks like David Frum, Rich Lowry, and Jonah Goldberg, National Review has concluded that Jerry "My God Is Bigger Than Yours" Boykin should have been sacked yesterday. Yow! Is this the miracle Mother Teresa needs to become a saint?
posted by John Ferguson at 1:59:20 PM

It's a Good Day When You Wake Up with a Woody

For over ten years, George Herbert Walker Bush held the record for the largest annual budget deficit--$290 billion in 1992. But now his son, George Walker Bush, has set a new record--$374 billion in 2003. What is it about these Bushes that make them so woody?

Would All the Right-wing Bigots Please Stand Up at Once--and Save Us Some Time?

Gregg Easterbrook is the latest right-winger to show his true colors. "In accusing a Jewish person of worshipping money, Easterbrook said, 'you invoke a thousand years of stereotypes about that which Jews have specific historical reasons to fear.' 'What I wrote here was simply wrong, and for being wrong, I apologize,' he said."

And for being wrong, Gregg was fired by ESPN (just like Rush Limbaugh was a while back). Who's next?

Caution: Atheist in a Foxhole Up Ahead

Lt. Gen. William "Jerry" Boykin, the newly promoted Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence, has said that George W. Bush is "in the White House because God put him there for a time such as this."

If Boykin's claim is true, the case for atheism is irrefutable.

Skinny and the Fat Man

Ann Coulter, a "woman-like object," does her best to turn a sow's ear (i. e., Rush Limbaugh) into a silk purse.

David Kisses Goliath's Ass, or History According to the Philistines

As part of his celebration of Yom Kippur, David Frum tells the world that Rush Limbaugh may have "become biochemically dependent on the painkillers and sedatives he took while fighting the deafness that threatened his radio career."

Then David says, "No living American has done more to make Americans interested in and aware of the doings of their government than Rush Limbaugh. He is a patriot, and a man of public spirit, and above all, a great national educator."

Is there a penalty for defaming Yom Kippur? If there isn't, there should be.

Out on a Limbaugh

Now we know why they named him "Rush."

Good Widdance to Bad Wubbish!

After Rush Limbaugh resigned from ESPN, Salon's King Kaufman wrote:

"Limbaugh is a clown, a dog-and-pony show with no more insight into football than he has into politics, though he proved far less entertaining in his new field than he is in his regular gig. You can blame him for his dim-witted comments and lame attempts to shoehorn his political views into football analysis, but that seems like a waste of time. Do you blame a dog for sniffing butts? Limbaugh is what he is."

Rush Limbaugh has been a butt-sniffer for fifteen years, and it has made this escapee from Cape Girardeau, Missouri, very rich. His last contract for radio services rendered paid him $250 million. That'll buy a lotta dope for someone with an ego so big it has its own zip code.

Fat Bastards and Skinny Bitches

Have you ever noticed how many prominent Republican men are fat and how many prominent Republican women are skinny? Here's just a few examples: Roger Ailes, El Jefe at Fox News; Karl Rove, Bush's Fathead; Rush Limbaugh, the 800 Pound Gorilla of Dope Addicts; Dennis Hastert, Loud Speaker of the House; Ann Coulter, Twiggy in Black Tights; Laura Ingraham, Porkbuster in Pink; Peggy Noonan, a Portrait of Ronald Reagan as an Anorexic; and Laura Schlessinger, Homophobe-on-a-Stick.

I had a theory to explain this phenomenon, but I've forgotten what it was.